Health Tips from Dr. Immel
Our esteemed Dr. Immel is a board-certified physician and research specialist who is willing to take on the tough questions that need answers. That’s why The Fug funds his ground-breaking research facility in upstate New York. He is a man ahead of his time whose research will one day change the world.
The Mini Van: America’s No. 1 Cause of Erectile Dysfunction
The only thing more damaging to a man’s erection – other than a naked picture of Bea Arthur – turns out to be a minivan.
In a recent study, conducted by our own board-certified physician Dr. Immel, it was proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Mini Van will take the wood from your woody faster than anything else.
In the study, Dr. Immel took 100 men and split them into two groups of 50. With the first group, he exposed them to all the “known causes” of erectile dysfunction as established by the medical community, such as marijuana, alcohol, drugs, smoking and a heavy dose of prolonged bicycling.
Other than feeling stupid tooling around in tight biking shorts, these men suffered no adverse effects. In fact, they could maintain an erection more often and much longer.
Not to mention that with all the free booze and drugs they could hand out to women, they scored more than they ever had in their adult lives.
As for the second group, they were allowed to do anything – they just had to do it driving a Mini Van. The results were stunning. Nearly all men lost the ability to make their little guy rise within days.
It seems that driving a Mini Van - the car most associated with getting married, having kids and watching your wife balloon to an ungodly weight – will kill an erection faster and more effectively than anything else.
When we spoke to a psychologist about the results, he had this to say, “When a man finally succumbs and purchases a Mini Van, in effect, he has closed the door on his sexual life. The Mini Van says to the world, ‘I’m married, I’ve got a litter of kids and my penis hasn’t been touched in a decade’…It's a very sad point in a man’s life.”
So Dr. Immel’s advice to all men who suffer from erectile dysfunction is to ditch the Mini Van asap, light up a joint and take a shot.
And in no time whatsoever, your little man will rise again.
