Health Tips from Dr. Immel

Drinking In Utero Builds a Baby’s Tolerance

All the press on the negative effects of alcohol consumption while pregnant has effectively put an end to any study of the positive aspects of drinking. It is quite literally a taboo topic in the mainstream press.

But not here at The Fug.

Dr. Immel’s latest study proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that women who drink heavily during all three trimesters of pregnancy do wonders for their baby’s tolerance to alcohol.

Especially, for those little ones who venture out to the bars in the first few months of life.

Testing consisted of 3 groups of babies in utero. Within the first group, the mothers weren’t allowed to consume any alcohol. The second group restricted alcohol consumption to 1-3 drinks a day. The third group was allowed to binge drink until the point of blacking out.

Following birth, the babies then were studied over the entire first year of life.

Results largely proved that babies from the third group, in which mother’s drank until they dropped, could clearly outdrink the other infants hands down.

For testing, babies were placed side by side and given shots of tequila. The first group, that had no exposure to alcohol in the womb, turned out to be complete lightweights and passed out or dozed off after the first shot.

The second group (1-3 drink mothers) fared only slightly better.

Yet, the third group really excelled in this test. After one shot they became loud and quite gregarious. Two shots: They joked and really had a good time. Three shots: Some tried to stand on tables, while others screamed, hollered and removed articles of clothing. Some even threw up. It was quite a party!

Ultimately, Dr. Immel came to the conclusion that if parents want their children to be able to hold their liquor from birth on, it is best for the mother to drink copious amounts of booze from conception until she delivers the little party animal.

Bottoms up!